Livewell Dorset Home page link
0800 840 1628 • Monday - Friday 9am - 6:30pm Contact Us
Being with a partner who has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol can be as challenging as it is distressing. You might feel helpless, frustrated or anxious, and perhaps unsure about how to address the problem. You may also struggle to empathise with them, especially if their drinking behaviour is impacting your relationship.
The first thing to remember is you can’t force someone to stop drinking or seek help, but there are different strategies you can use to encourage your loved one to reduce their alcohol intake, or even quit drinking permanently.
In this guide, we’ll explore these strategies, providing you with practical tips and advice on how to help your partner change their relationship with alcohol.
The word ‘ask’ is important here. You cannot tell someone to stop drinking, but asking your partner to quit is completely within your rights, especially if their drinking habits are affecting their health and your relationship. Knowing how to approach the subject can be difficult, especially if you are unsure of how they will react. Below are some tips on how to broach the matter calmly and empathetically.
Choosing the best moment to bring up the subject is key. Avoid discussing the issue when your partner is intoxicated or during an argument. Pick a calm, private moment when you can have a conversation without interruptions.
Being overly critical may put your partner into ‘fight or flight’ mode, making them feel defensive or wanting to shut the conversation down. Instead of saying “you always drink too much”, try "I'm concerned about the amount you're drinking and the effect it is having on you and our relationship”.
Consider using ‘I’ statements to express how their drinking impacts you and your relationship. For example, "I feel worried when you drink because I care about your health and I want you to be OK."
Addressing a loved one’s drinking habits is not an easy conversation and needs to be handled with care and sensitivity. Their alcohol misuse may be triggered by a traumatic experience or as a result of a deeper mental health problem. Compelling your partner to confront these issues on the spot could be distressing for them, leading to heightened emotions.
When discussing your partner’s drinking, they might react defensively, be dismissive or even become agitated. Stay calm and resist the temptation to mirror their behaviour. Listen to what they have to say and then reiterate your concern and commitment to supporting them.
Once you’ve had ‘the conversation’, the next stage is to look at ways you can offer practical and emotional support to your partner. Below are a few strategies to try:
Taking the time to understand alcohol misuse and dependency, along with its effects, can help you provide informed support. Sites such as Alcohol Change UK and Mind offer valuable, non-judgemental information.
Asking your partner to seek professional help can seem daunting, but there is far less stigma attached to therapy or counselling than there was a few years ago. You can also encourage them to speak to their GP first who will be able to recommend the best plan of action (in some instances, this may include medical support).
Encourage your partner to join support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). You can also use our LiveWell Finder tool to find local groups in your area.
If you live with your partner, create an alcohol-free living space so temptation is kept out of reach. Be mindful of your own drinking habits, such as drinking alcohol in front of them at home or when out for a meal.
Help your partner find alternative ways to socialise or relax, such as exercising together, going for coffee or participating in shared hobbies.
Change is unlikely to happen overnight. Withdrawal and recovery are a long process, especially if your partner is a very heavy drinker or has been dependent for many years. They may suffer some relapses or setbacks on their journey to becoming alcohol free. Offer consistent support and encouragement without putting excessive pressure on them.
Supporting a partner through their recovery can be emotionally draining. Seek strategies to support your own mental health, such as joining a support group like Al-Anon which is an organisation for anyone whose life is or has been affected by someone else’s drinking. Sharing experiences with others in similar situations can provide comfort and advice.
If your partner refuses to seek help and their drinking continues to have a detrimental effect on you or your family, it could be time for you to step away from the situation for the sake of your own health and wellbeing.
If you’re concerned about your partner’s drinking, remember you’re not alone. Our team of professional advisors and coaches are on hand to support people in the Dorset area who may be struggling to support an alcohol-dependent partner, or who are worried about the effect their own drinking is having on their loved ones. Register with us today to find out more!
Your search has returned 105 more results
View all results